Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
My life is pants optional.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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