I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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