why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
