I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
