Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
