I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
