I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
