At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
