she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Randomize
