i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
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