Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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