Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
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