Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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