I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Randomize
