Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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