Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
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