Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
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