if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
