I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Well I just put wine in my tea
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
