Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Randomize
