I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
