I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Randomize