brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Are we still banned from the library?
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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