Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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