I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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