trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Randomize
