When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Randomize
