gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
