she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Randomize
