they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
