i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
