i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
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