They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Randomize