i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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