his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
