I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
