"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
50% drunk capacity currently
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
