finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Randomize
