so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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