the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
Randomize
