we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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