Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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