apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Randomize
