Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I am available for nakedness
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