I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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