I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
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