dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Randomize
