he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
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