By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Randomize
