Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Randomize
