i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
