is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Randomize
