I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Randomize
