All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Randomize
