I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
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