You just made me feel so damn special
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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