I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Randomize
