After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
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