she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Randomize
