Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Randomize
