I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
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