we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
We need to get me chipped asap
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
