I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
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