god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Randomize
