WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize