Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
