Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize