hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
This is not my ceiling
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
They have beer where we have blood.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
