If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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