never play flip cup with pint glasses
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
