I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
