I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
