He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
