At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Michael Bay diarrhea
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
