Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Randomize
