This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Randomize
