yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Randomize
