too bad you live with your parents still
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
