my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
I just cut my nipple shaving
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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