So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
